The Beauty of Parallel Play for Adults: Connecting Quietly | NeurodiverseNights Blog
We often associate "parallel play" with toddlers – sitting side-by-side, engrossed in their own activities, yet aware and perhaps comforted by each other's presence. But this concept holds profound value for adults too, particularly for neurodivergent individuals who may find constant direct social interaction draining.
Parallel play, or parallel activity, offers a way to experience connection and companionship without the high demands of conversation, eye contact, or interpreting complex social cues. It's about sharing space and quiet presence, allowing for co-regulation and connection on different terms.
Why Parallel Play Can Be Comforting
- Low Social Demand: It removes the pressure to constantly talk, respond, or perform socially. This conserves precious energy often spent on masking (The Weight of a Day).
- Shared Presence & Co-Regulation: Simply being in the quiet company of a trusted person can be calming and regulating for the nervous system, even without direct interaction.
- Reduced Sensory Input: Compared to active conversation or group activities, parallel play typically involves less intense auditory and visual input.
- Focus on Individual Interests: Allows individuals to engage in their own preferred activities (special interests, reading, crafting) while still feeling connected.
- Comfortable Silence: Normalizes companionable silence, removing the awkwardness some feel when conversation lulls.
- Gentle Transition: Can serve as a gentle way to ease into or out of more direct social interaction.
Examples of Adult Parallel Play
This can look like:
- Reading separate books or articles in the same room.
- Working on individual crafts or hobbies side-by-side (knitting, drawing, model building).
- Listening to separate podcasts or music with headphones while sitting together.
- Both working on laptops in the same space.
- Watching different videos on separate devices.
- Simply sitting quietly together, perhaps looking out a window or enjoying a peaceful atmosphere.
Making it Work
Clear, gentle communication can be helpful:
- "Would you like to just hang out quietly and read together for a bit?"
- "I'm feeling low on social energy, but I'd love your company. Maybe we could work on our own things in the same room?"
- Checking in occasionally: "How are you doing? Need anything?" (optional, low-pressure check-ins).
Parallel play is a valid and valuable form of connection. It honours diverse social needs and energy levels, providing a pathway to companionship that feels safe, comfortable, and restorative. It's a beautiful way to recharge together, quietly, side-by-side, and can be a wonderful activity after experiencing a social slump or when seeking a non-verbal wind-down.
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