When Routine Feels Rigid: Finding Flexibility Within Structure | NeurodiverseNights Blog

Published: 2025-04-23

We often talk about the benefits of routine and predictability (Comfort of Predictability) for managing energy and reducing overwhelm. Structure can indeed be incredibly supportive. However, sometimes, routines themselves can start to feel like rigid cages, sources of stress when inevitably disrupted, or simply too demanding on low-energy days.

The goal of a supportive routine isn't perfect adherence; it's creating a framework that *generally* makes life easier and calmer. This requires building in flexibility and self-compassion, especially for neurodivergent individuals whose energy levels, focus, or needs can fluctuate significantly.

When Structure Becomes Stifling

Routines can feel rigid when:

• They don't account for varying energy levels or spoons.
• Unexpected events disrupt the planned flow, causing distress.
• They become overly complex with too many steps.
• There's intense guilt or self-criticism when steps are missed.
• They feel imposed rather than chosen based on genuine need.
• Spontaneity feels completely impossible.

Building Flexibility into Your Framework

How can we keep structure supportive without it becoming brittle?

• "Menu" Approach: Instead of a fixed sequence, have a short list of possible calming activities (Cozy Cocoon) or routine steps. Choose 1-2 based on energy/needs that day.
• Core Anchors vs. Optional Extras: Identify the 1-3 *most* essential parts of your routine (e.g., brushing teeth, taking meds, dimming lights). Focus on achieving those consistently, and view other steps as bonuses.
• "Good Enough" Principle: Some days, a simplified version of the routine is perfectly fine. Doing *something* is better than abandoning it entirely because you can't do it perfectly.
• Plan for Interruptions (Mentally): Acknowledge that life happens. Have a mental backup plan or simply practice accepting that disruptions occur and you can gently return to the routine later if possible.
• Regular Review & Adjustment: Routines aren't set in stone. Periodically check in: Is this still serving me? Does it need simplifying? Does it align with my current needs?
• Embrace Self-Compassion: This is crucial. If you miss steps or the whole routine falls apart one day, meet yourself with kindness, not judgment. Remind yourself you're doing your best with the resources you have. (Finding Permission to Rest includes resting from demanding routines too!).
• Minimum Viable Routine: On very low energy days, what is the absolute bare minimum you need to do to feel okay? Aim for just that.

Supportive structure provides scaffolding, not prison bars. By consciously building in flexibility, focusing on core needs, and practicing self-kindness, you can create routines that adapt *with* you, offering reliable comfort without adding unnecessary pressure.

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